rockfen

Hittade denna text och blev lite nostalgisk:

Scenario:
The princess is stuck in a big castle guarded by a dragon!

POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon,
saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks
her.

HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few
beers and fucks the princess.

FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins,
flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because
of all the dancing). Then all leave....without the princess.

VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty
axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death,
steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills
her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in
front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood
in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the
dragon.

GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front
of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead
body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the
carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last
time.

DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he
could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide.
The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the
end of a sad story.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes.
The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the
princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes
he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes
looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist.

GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color.

NU METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to fight
the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch
fire.